We’re All Trying Here: Can We Find Comfort Without Trauma Bonding?

 

"What kind of weather do you like? I'll make it for you." — Hwang Dong-man to Byeon Eun-a.

At the halfway episode of this series, Dong-man says these words out loud, imagining a happy, sunny day with Eun-a. Unlike most slice-of-life K-dramas that have also been beautifully written such as My Mister, My Liberation Notes, and Our Blues; there is something different about the main characters in this series. It is a yearning for understanding. I believe that the most complex of characters, and people, really only seek one thing in life: understanding. We see this as Dong-man interacts with his friends despite their berating comments and humiliation—his constant attempt to prove himself as something more than worthless.

This is difficult in a world where your achievements and awards are the only proof of your success. It is especially hard when everyone in your friend group has something to show that they've moved up in life, while all you have is your potential and stories, barely scraping by each day. No one takes your opinion seriously because, after all, you have nothing to show for it, so why should anyone listen to you? They say the sayings of a poor man are empty words. No one wants to give him a chance because, in their opinion, 20 years is enough to prove oneself, and proof is exactly what Dong-man lacks.

However, there is also a latent fear that when he does succeed, he might be better than all of them. Sometimes success is just a measure of who's first, but who's best is something no one wants to acknowledge even when Dong-man accurately criticizes their mediocre scripts and movies. The nerve of a "nobody" to do so. Yet, they keep him around to remind themselves and gloat on how much better they are than him.

Then we have Eun-a, a sharp film editor and producer able to see through the charade and bring out stories for what they really are. With a boss and peers so envious of her skills, they actively seek to demean her every day. She goes about her life suppressing her rage. Eun-a was also abandoned by her parents as a child; a trauma she has never actually spoken of or sought help for. Initially, when both characters start to interact, one can easily see Eun-a's fascination with Dong-man’s optimistic dreams and view of life, despite him being the object of mockery by his friends. I was also fascinated by this; for 20 years, all Dong-man wanted was to make a film, and despite being rejected over and over again, he never pivots to anything else. Even when Eun-a rips his script apart, which wasn't out of spite, but just her doing her job, we see his resilience to make it better. We also see Dong-man in stark contrast to his brother, who has given up on life, becoming an alcoholic and turning suicidal. All of these trials should make Dong-man give up, but he doesn't.

Slowly, both characters find comfort and companionship in each other in a very innocent, humane way. Eun-a sticks up for him when no one wants to be associated with him. He gives her the understanding without judgment that she couldn't get from anyone else. In an idealistic world, Dong-man doesn't "deserve" Eun-a. She's young, in the prime of her life, and can definitely become someone bigger, having climbed the ranks through sheer willpower to the point that her own boss feels threatened. To the naked eye, Dong-man appears to be a loser with nothing to show at age 40 but a cat, a low-paying teaching job, and a suicidal brother who beats him up.

So why is their relationship so magnetic? It is not a love built on public declarations, romance, or hypergamy. It is the bond of someone who just understands you, who roots for you in your absence, and who considers your view of this world without any ulterior motives. Someone who sees you! Yes, there is shared pain. Does the pain help them understand each other? Does it help them support each other? Perhaps. For now, it just seems unconditional to love someone like that.

Eun-a said she loves the wind, even in the winter. There is something clean that your body just wants to suck in when the cool wind blows after a good rain. It's a comforting embrace, one I think Eun-a and Dong-man are uniquely able to give each other.