Something has changed within me.  A yearning for the first time for more.  Is it greed? is it ambition?  For a life I know is out there.  I dream of the days when my days will be enough.  When I'd laugh without any hindrances and perhaps even love.  Yet, a resistance in my soul holds me hostage from these things within my grasp.  I wrestle every day for my happiness.  If you pass by me you might feel a warmth you never felt before.  I had resigned myself to my fate, that I could only do so much as she let me.  Perhaps I now believe the words, I have heard all my life.  It has occurred to me, how much I have denied myself.  Is it the devil whispering "master be kind to yourself?"  Should I take his hand and perch on his wings?  Or is it just my time? A time that I glued its hands together waiting for another's time to strike. The gates I once thought were shut have been opened wide ajar.  I am grasping the suspend...

It's Soul  Do you ever listen to music and it just transports you to another place? Suddenly, it's like you are trapped in a whirlwind of emotions. 

 I’ve always had fantasies of fainting. As a child, I wished I could faint at the most opportune time, like when the entire class was about to get flogged and it got to my turn. How perfect would that be!

  What I thought was femininity  Femininity is not as simple as it seems. It is a concept that has evolved over time and differs from one culture to another. But in general, we can say that being feminine means being female and behaving in a way that society considers appropriate for females at that particular moment in time. Along with this society bombards women with an overwhelming amount of Beauty Demands. I never really had a first hand experience on femininity. My mother was a working class mother in Lagos, trying to raise three children while her husband was abroad. So you can imagine what time she had for herself. Needless to say my mother was never caught " un-fresh ". She always made sure she had her hair done, shaved her legs, restock on her earrings, her body creams (all anti-aging) and the usual "Shirley" for any unwanted blemishes. My sister and I would act plays in her wigs and head wraps and clutches.  If there's anything I ever looked forward to...

I want friendship not feelings!!!  For basically all my life I’ve been running towards the females and away from the males. No! This is not a coming out story! Rather this is one about my ever evolving friendship journey.

  “Nothing good last forever”, but so does suffering! It’s the calm before the storm, it's too good to be true, surely something bad would happen soon… Why do we pray so hard for suffering to end but then crave it when we become happy? I’ve been happy these days and it feels great! However, it almost feels wrong to say it. People are dropping dead every day, there are wars and disasters all over the place. It feels like I’m being inconsiderate of the sufferings of the world for choosing to be happy. Apart, from the world, it almost feels wrong because I am not used to this. I have had bouts of happiness before, but this is truly the first time in my adult life when I can actually remain in a state of happiness. I am happy I am happy not just because of others, or general Goodnews. I am happy just as myself. I laugh at myself and my errors no longer in scrutiny or mockery. My laughter has become unbridled, unassuming, and unafraid of the opinions of others. I can actually ...

It's a little padding  for an intricate mind.

I thought surely her hair had to be that length, when she didn't put a scissor to her braids,

  The butterflies took root in my tummy. They ascended swiftly to the chest.

Behind the poet, is the troubled soul. Sneaking through pen to paper.

  It's minutes past midnight, I've stared at the ceiling, I've circled with the fan, and I've counted sheep.