I am Happy!: A surprising but welcomed guest in the midst of turbulent times.

 

“Nothing good last forever”, but so does suffering!

It’s the calm before the storm, it's too good to be true, surely something bad would happen soon… Why do we pray so hard for suffering to end but then crave it when we become happy?

I’ve been happy these days and it feels great! However, it almost feels wrong to say it. People are dropping dead every day, there are wars and disasters all over the place. It feels like I’m being inconsiderate of the sufferings of the world for choosing to be happy.

Apart, from the world, it almost feels wrong because I am not used to this. I have had bouts of happiness before, but this is truly the first time in my adult life when I can actually remain in a state of happiness.

I am happy

I am happy not just because of others, or general Goodnews. I am happy just as myself. I laugh at myself and my errors no longer in scrutiny or mockery. My laughter has become unbridled, unassuming, and unafraid of the opinions of others. I can actually smile at myself in the mirror without wondering if my smile is crooked or if I’m allowed to smile.

It’s a type of happiness that is not dependent on a partner, a relative or even a friend. It’s the happiness that despite the bouts of sadness my circle may face, I am not suppressing my joy just to be in solidarity with their pain even long after they’ve recovered.

I am not in love, expecting a child, or have gained financial success, all the things they claim are the main sources of happiness. In fact, I am directly facing the turbulent waters of uncertainty in my future, as I have not dug the pillars of hope in academics, a job or a person as recommended.

Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss. For this, I have been called delusional, complacent, weird, unambitious and unbothered. Yet, I am happy! They ask how I am and I can smell the anticipation to hear of my despair and disdain for life. Something they once said I’ll get over, something they only said it’ll pass, but now that it has, they marvel.

Perhaps they were never fully convinced that happiness is attainable, even if it was not by me, even if by me, not in this state, not in this way. Happiness that defies all logic surely is fleeting, surely it is too good to be true.

But if this happiness is a phase, I will not resent it for leaving, nor for even happening. I am grateful that it has come and it will always remain as a memory of hope however long it lasts, reminding me that nothing bad lasts forever!

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