Selflove: Why you should rethink it and Actions you need to take!

Why you should rethink selflove

There are so many definitions for what selflove means, this one rang true to me by the BBR-foundation; “Selflove is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth”.

-          Physical:  Your physical wellbeing, a lot more people have been more aware of their bodies and health. I have never seen as many young people in my life time, especially here in Nigeria, almost become obsessed with exercise, dieting etc. Motives aside, it was never really our culture to exercise and take care of our bodies. Going to the gym or working out seemed to be a luxury for the rich. Regardless of the financial struggles people go jogging and hiking, at least here in the capital, to achieve better bodies and health.

 -          Psychological: Mental Health is another buzzword; people are becoming more and more aware of mental stress and its impacts on our life all around. We are understanding our actions, patterns and personalities, finding new healthy ways to cope with our mental struggle.

 -          Spiritual growth: However, one wants to describe this, is quite relative. I believe spiritual growth goes beyond meditation and religious pilgrims. For me, it involves developing or deepening your faith and getting to know your creator.

What selflove is not

 Selfish

You’d forgive me for getting too spiritual, but after all the bible says “Love your neighbor as yourself”, and it’s the golden rule “Treat others how you’d expect to be treated”.

So, using that logic, how come selflove now becomes a bunch of trips and treats you cannot even afford, how much more give your neighbor's. It is not selfish in the sense that in as much as you’re prioritizing yourself, you are also considerate of how you affect others. You cannot say you are practicing self-love if you buy yourself the best meals when your family starves.

If you’ve ever been on a flight, you’d recognize that you are advised to help others with their oxygen masks, only if you have put on your own, in the case of an emergency.

You need to have some stability, in order to carry others. You are recognizing your lapses and working them not just so you could be a better person for yourself but also for others.

 What selflove means to me

Selflove can mean a bunch of different things to people. Growing up I was told and assumed that love is the unconditional giving of oneself. I always felt that perhaps I could never love. Why? Too many times I saw how this “unconditional” giving, resulted in unhappiness, resentment, and regret. As an adult, I have come to realize that while these people were so eager to love, most times they were never loved by others. Because they neglected themselves and the essentials for growth as an individual.

It's a common trend where we see mothers, teachers, wives, parents and caregivers, taking time off to just breathe! And I encourage it, everyone needs space! One of my biggest fears in life, is just going through the motions like a hamster on a wheel, soulless and unhappy. Whether we admit it or not happiness is all we strive for. However, it goes beyond just breathing exercises and meditation.

 Here are a few things that equate to selflove for me

-          Forgiveness: If you’re like me, you are judge, jury and executor to yourself and yourself only. You’d rehash your sins and shortcomings and pummel yourself for your flaws. This is where selflove comes in, forgiving yourself for your wrongdoings and accepting that contrary to your wishes, you are not perfect. Showing yourself compassion and kindness to your pain and suffering. It is noteworthy that this doesn’t mean absolving yourself of taking responsibilities for your actions or decision.

 -          Growth: This majorly composed of self awareness. It involves recognizing your generational trauma, patterns, flaws, lapses. Always looking for how to improve yourself in all aspects of your life.

 -          Recognizing your needs

 -          Setting healthy boundaries

 -          Definitely Self-care

 -          Giving myself permission to enjoy the things I love

So, before you start your selflove journey reflect on these things. Find out what selflove means for you, and in all things maintain balance.

Did enjoy this piece? Show some love by Subscribing to this blog.