What I thought was femininity  Femininity is not as simple as it seems. It is a concept that has evolved over time and differs from one culture to another. But in general, we can say that being feminine means being female and behaving in a way that society considers appropriate for females at that particular moment in time. Along with this society bombards women with an overwhelming amount of Beauty Demands. I never really had a first hand experience on femininity. My mother was a working class mother in Lagos, trying to raise three children while her husband was abroad. So you can imagine what time she had for herself. Needless to say my mother was never caught " un-fresh ". She always made sure she had her hair done, shaved her legs, restock on her earrings, her body creams (all anti-aging) and the usual "Shirley" for any unwanted blemishes. My sister and I would act plays in her wigs and head wraps and clutches.  If there's anything I ever looked forward to...

I want friendship not feelings!!!  For basically all my life I’ve been running towards the females and away from the males. No! This is not a coming out story! Rather this is one about my ever evolving friendship journey.

Why you should rethink selflove There are so many definitions for what selflove means, this one rang true to me by the BBR-foundation; “Selflove is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our  physical ,  psychological  and  spiritual growth”. -           Physical :   Your physical wellbeing, a lot more people have been more aware of their bodies and health. I have never seen as many young people in my life time, especially here in Nigeria, almost become obsessed with exercise, dieting etc. Motives aside, it was never really our culture to exercise and take care of our bodies. Going to the gym or working out seemed to be a luxury for the rich. Regardless of the financial struggles people go jogging and hiking, at least here in the capital, to achieve better bodies and health.  -           Psychological : Mental Health...

I have never been in love before. Well, how can I , this is a girl who thought Celine Dion’s “Because you love me” was a gospel song. Yet I cried to Toni’s “Unbreak my heart” and Brandy’s “Have you ever”,  all around the age of eight . My favourite genre is R n b Soul, which really is all about love. From heartbreaks, flings, to the ride of love. A journey the lyrics claimed were so painful, yet so necessary. There is something so raw about the emotion; love. The fact that it can move people to tears, make one giddy or even make you break windows, slash tires and kidnap your lover. I have observed all of these , but I have never understood it. Why are people willing to give up so much just for one person? I mean isn’t that why Christ died for us. Why does love always seem to be attached to sacrificing of some sort? Your body, your career, your dreams , your goals and sometimes even your life. Still beautiful. Needless to say, while it was difficult to understand, it was quite bea...

Why do men always feel so entitled? Entitled to your time, your number, your personal space or belongings, worst of all even entitlement to you! I wonder about the results when the tides were shifted a little. Will men feel comfortable if I just randomly call them "babe"? Especially if I wasn't what they'll consider attractive aka their "spec". Will they be okay if I give them a lift, and then hold them hostage just to get their number? Don't get me wrong, there's the chase of course when you find someone attractive. Women still like the chase but it has to be clear. She should have given you some inkling that she may consider you worthy of her time. No one likes a lacklustre lukewarm person who acts like they're interested in you but does the barest minimum.  Anyway here's a little Storytime  In my heydays in the university, I was a little bit popular in my first and second years. My first year, perhaps because I didn't care about anyone...

  “Nothing good last forever”, but so does suffering! It’s the calm before the storm, it's too good to be true, surely something bad would happen soon… Why do we pray so hard for suffering to end but then crave it when we become happy? I’ve been happy these days and it feels great! However, it almost feels wrong to say it. People are dropping dead every day, there are wars and disasters all over the place. It feels like I’m being inconsiderate of the sufferings of the world for choosing to be happy. Apart, from the world, it almost feels wrong because I am not used to this. I have had bouts of happiness before, but this is truly the first time in my adult life when I can actually remain in a state of happiness. I am happy I am happy not just because of others, or general Goodnews. I am happy just as myself. I laugh at myself and my errors no longer in scrutiny or mockery. My laughter has become unbridled, unassuming, and unafraid of the opinions of others. I can actually ...

Life will humble you! One of my biggest challenges when I initially started university was sharing a bathroom with eight to ten other girls. Granted, I was one of the lucky ones; I was staying in a hostel with master bedrooms and ensuite bathrooms. Unlike other hostels, where each block had only one bathroom, which meant that up to 15-20 girls may share one bathroom, which most likely didn't even have a sink. Girls would rush up to the bathroom as soon as the cleaners were finished, if at all possible. We shared roosters, taking turns cleaning the room and bathrooms each day because our rooms were ensuite and we didn't have cleaners. We had control over how clean the place was, and whoever defaulted was held accountable. Nonetheless, as the saying goes, "rules are made to be broken," so the girls would clean whenever they wanted or not clean at all, citing various excuses. My Bathroom Fear. Bathing time, on the other hand, was one of my greatest concerns. why?...